You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
