So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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