I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
