It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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