You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
