i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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