did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
