My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
