talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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