after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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