my vag is so smooth its legendary
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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