you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
