shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
