What a fucking waste of an outfit
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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