did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
