Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
