Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
