she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
