um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
this is an emotional support booty call
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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