Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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