i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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