I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
