i just wanna soil my oats bro
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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