I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
