why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
