Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
