and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
