Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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