Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
