Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
