Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
There's even glitter on my cock...
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