i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
