i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
