Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
