Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You may now shotgun with the bride
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
