I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
