ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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