Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
