People in love make me want to vomit
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
