Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
