I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
