why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Four minutes until I can fart!
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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