remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
