Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
