she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
