I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
