Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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