Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Help me help you realize you are a moron
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
