i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
