we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
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