Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
